So there I was standing in the checkout line at Target, when all of a sudden the lady, who was a few people ahead of me, had to complain because the three rugs she was wanting to buy rang up at the wrong price. And dumb dumb HAD to ask for two different managers to come over so she could complain. Ain’t nobody got time for that. But I try not to let that kind of stuff get to me, because let’s face it…life’s too short to get pissed off about a long line at a retail store. The bitches in front and behind me, however, must not have the same train of thought as I do, because they were throwing mega temper-tantrums. All I could hear was “This is fucking ridiculous!”…no your attitude is fucking ridiculous, side ponytail wearing ma’am. “Can’t you bring up more cashiers?!?”…can’t you mind your own damn business? “I have somewhere important to be!”…ordering from the McDonalds dollar menu isn’t that important of a place to be..it will still be available when you’re finished here. They all needed to pipe the fuck down. So while the broads moaned and groaned and dumb dumb took over 20 minutes to be told, for the 5th time, that the rugs she picked out were not on sale, I decided to catch up on Ruzzle and Pinterest. Best 20 minutes in line at Target, ever. But when they finally got dumb dumb out of the way and started ringing up everyone else, all the women still had an attitude towards the poor cashier girl! Totally not necessary gals. So when I got up there, I talked and stuff to the cashier girl and was well on my way to becoming her newest BFF. And when I finally paid, all sorts of coupons started coming out with the receipt and I was like “WHAAAT?!” “Raise the roof!” “Big money, big money, no whammy!” “Is this what supermarket sweep feels like?!” Basically, I was saying a lot of stupid shit. But the cashier and people in line behind me laughed and yeah…that my friends, is what I like to call: helping people calm the fuck down in annoying situations.
So remember when you’re in an annoying, unfun, situation: Life’s too short to get upset over something super stupid like that. So what if it takes a cashier a while to ring up customers. So what if it takes a server a few extra minutes to bring you your food. So what if the homeless man rubs his wiener against your…wait, what? The point is, life’s too short to get mad over dumb shit. So take a deep breath, say something stupid to yourself, giggle it off, don’t worry-be happy, and move along.
Holy shit to the moon and back, it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been on here! I’ve just been such a super busy lazy girl, but no need to fear…Amy is here. LOL. Yeah, super exciting shit, I know. Anyways. What’s been going on with y’all? Hope you sweetpea’s have been living it up, cause I know I sure have!! Seriously, like…if there was an award given for living it up, then like I’d win it hands down. Just look at the button wreath from Pinterest that I made:
It literally took like, three fucking hours to make, a few hot glue gun burns and lots of potty mouth words. Like pretty sure I dropped more F-Bombs in my apartment than the troops have dropped bombs in Afghanistan. Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck. But I think it turned out mega swell. Kinda. Maybe. Sike, it looks like shit and every button will probably be picked off by my ghetto neighbs, cause it’s tough getting respect being the only white girl in my building. Oh well.
Oh! I just recently discovered the “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!” video!!!!! Y’all, I’ve legit watched it about 10 times a day for the past week and a half. Shit is too funny!!! Haven’t seen it before? Well here you go…you’re welcome!
Ahhhhhhahahaha. See?! Best thing ever. Oh man. That’s pretty much the most bomb dot com thing I’ve seen in a long time. People make me smile.
BRB…there’s some dude walking into our office who looks like he doesn’t belong in this joint.
WTF, *eyes roll-out my head-and out the door* No bro, I don’t wanna buy your shit. Can’t you tell that I’m trying to talk to my friends?! Pipe the fuck down! Ain’t nobody got time for that!! LOLOL. Best phrase ever.
Watch this video for your Pipe the Fuck Down reference:
Oh! Guess what else has happened in my “living it up” life!? I painted my fingernails in hope that it’ll help me stop biting my nails. Because I, true story, have the most manliest looking fingernails in the history of girls with manly looking fingernails. So it was really like painting a dot and then a bunch of skin. HAHA. JK. But seriously, I’ve seen infants with prettier nails and paint jobs than what I’m sporting right now. And, confession, I tried to bite one of my nails earlier. And then when I looked in the bathroom mirror later on, I had a pink nail polish glob on my tooth. FML. SMH. WTF. I wouldn’t mind a new life sometimes.
I dropped my butterscotch candy thing out of my mouth and totally picked it up and put it back in my mouth. No wonder I’m always sick.
And I forgot to take my ADD medicine this morning, so my mind has wandered around more than Carmen San Diego.
Oh and I went to Play last weekend, this super fun gay bar in Nashville, and saw a drag queen that did Reba songs!! And had her facial expressions down perrrfectly! It was like being at a 6ft tall Reba concert! And while I was there, check this out y’all…my friend went to the bathroom, so I did what I do best and went up to the bar for a drink. And there was a drag queen, not one that was there performing..just a fella that likes to wear pretty dresses, standing there. And I looked at her and she downed a shot, and I was all like “what was that?!” and she was like “TEQUILA!” And I said “Holy shit! I like the way you drink!!” And so we started talking and blah blah blah and next thing I know, she says she’s from Chicago!! I was like “whaaaaat?! I wanna live there so super bad!” and then we kept talking and blah blah blah, she said I can come up there whenever I want and stay with her!! And we traded numbers and yeah. I was am very excited about it. Oh, and her name is Bianca. Shut the front door! I’m going to like being Bianca’s friend 🙂
Also, cool story, someone did a post about me on their blog…super sweet and absolutely made my ever lovin’ day!!! And I hear, a lot, how my “writing” sounds like it’s me just directly talking, or however you want to word it. And it’s true. Here’s my secret…I literally type everything I say out loud and/or in my head. And 99% of the time I never proofread it because if I did, then I would probably delete all of it. So there’s that. And here’s his super nice, make Amy big headed, post.
So raise your hand if it annoys you when I announce that I’m going to go pee. *hand raised*
Oh look what was in my mailbox when I got home from work yesterday. Happy Valentine’s Day to meee
I legit took the shot right there at the mailbox. It’s called having absolutely no self-control and not giving a fuck about anything.
It’s hard to post on here when you’re doing it from work. Cause like…these bitches be calling expecting you to be at their becking call and I’m like “damn y’all…I do me and you do you!! Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
I need my medicine.
And, I’m not saying I just bit my nail again, but I have to go to the bathroom and get the bright pink fingernail polish off of my teeth. fuck my life.
I’ll post something else soon that is actually worth wasting your time reading. LOL. Who am I kidding, nothing I write is worth reading. Okay, bye! 🙂
itsames 