Siiigh, sooo I’m officially 26 today. So not super excited, but it’s cool I guess. Like they say, “The only thing worse than getting old is not getting old”. But I’ve been thinking all day about what all my 20’s have brought me. Lots of fun memories, a few bad, and quite a bit of crazy times. So I figured I’d share with y’all, since we’re such great friends now!! You’re welcome, America.
Oh, wait, let me tell y’all some of the things I’ve heard today, so far:
“Seems like just yesterday, you were turning 21 and we went to Spaghetti Factory so I could buy you a drink!!!” -my Nannie. She’s pretty much the bomb dot com. I could do a whole blog about just her and the stuff she does and says.
I was also told today “You’re 26 now!! Maybe it’s time to calm down, and settle in and start a family!” I didn’t just lol. I LOLOLOLOL’ed for a long time. Ahh, how about I don’t calm down, settle in and start a family for a long time. LOL. People are dumb.
But anyways, my 20’s so far:
1. Bad- The two weeks that I had a bad case of Hives. It sucked a big green floppy donkey dick. I hope that doesn’t happen in my remaining 20’s.
2. Good- I discovered how phenomenal amaretto sours taste.
3. Crazy- When my best friend and I made friends with a mega-weird couple on the sidewalk of Best Buy while camping out for Black Friday. I should also add that we “camped out” at Best Buy, just to say we did. All I bought when I went in was the Spice Girls greatest hit cd. That should be a good example of how lame my life is.
4. Bad- When I broke wrist by falling down a flight of stairs. Which included 2.5 months in a cast above my elbow, one month cast-less, surgery and two more months in a cast. It sucked worse than Hives.
5. Good/Crazy- reference the picture above- the crazy midnight trips to the playground.
6. Good- Losing 105 pounds!!!
7. Bad- Having back surgery.
8. Bad- Gaining a lot of the weight back.
9. Good- Having lost 5 pounds so far this year!
10. Bad- Wrecking my car a week after I broke my wrist. Summary of the wreck: I semi kinda passed out from low blood sugar and pain meds and I went thru a couple of lanes of traffic, hit a car in a parking lot, jumped a curve and hit a street sign. It also sucked big monkey balls.
11. Good GREAT- Becoming an aunt!!! November 5, 2012 I became an aunt to the most perfect baby girl, EVER! Aerial Grace! aka, my Ellie. aka, Baby A. aka, snuggle bug. aka, the happiest baby ever!
12. Good- Growing up and getting my own apartment!
13. Bad- The friends and family that passed away.
14. Good- Buying a brand new car. aka, the Kia. aka, Club Kia. aka, the Shadoobie.
15. Crazy/Bad- The two hour jet ski tour that turned into 3.5 hours. Wanna hear the story? Ok, calm down…I’ll tell you. It was in Panama City Beach, woo hoo Florida, in July 2009 annnd I wanted to go on a jet ski tour. So me, my sister and her hubs, and our friend Kristyn and her hubs all went. There were also about 7 more jet ski’s that were on the little tour, too. But they were all strangers. Also, every jet ski had 2 people on it except for mine, because I’m the lame loner that no one wanted to ride with. Sooo, we were off. The crazy boy guide had us speeding like some mother fuckers thru the ocean and between cliffs, and he was just getting far too serious about the tour.
It was my first time really driving one of those things, and so I was towards the back and every time the person in front of me hit a wave rip thing, the water would splash up and rape my face…it sucked. So we drove for about 30 minutes and stopped in the middle of the ocean, and turned off our vroom vroom water machines, to see some dolphins. Neat shit, I know. But as we were all stopped watching the dolphins, gently bobbing with the waves, I started to feel sick. Like, hardcore sick. Like, somebody call 911..shawty bout to puke in the ocean…oh ohhh. And I couldn’t turn my jet ski on to ride out of the group to puke, because everyone was there. And by that time, a boat tour had stopped to see the dolphins too. Party. So I sort of tried to wobble myself out of the group and got about 3 feet when I leaned over and puked all over the jet ski. Everyone saw it. Everyone. Screw the dolphins, the boat tour people were watching this girl puke, repeatedly, all over the side of her jet ski. I did about a good 8 pukes when finally the guide said we were going to ride to a little island and get to walk around and look at shit.
I couldn’t have cared less about whatever the fuck was on that island, I just wanted to get on land. So we got there, I puked some more while everyone went all Gilligan’s Island searching for shells and coconuts and shit. And then, what I didn’t want to hear “We’re running late! Let’s get back so I can get the next tour started!!” And the guide took off, then all of the jet ski’s with two people on them took off, everyone speeding like they stole something…and then I took off. Trying to not throw up or fall off. Because I KNEW if I fell off that thing in the middle of the ocean, I would not be able to climb my fatass back on it. So ok, here’s where it got bad. I was in the back of the group, but they were at a distance, but I could still see them. And I was going about 40mph on that thing, so I know they all had to be doing like…187mph. So, I can still see them and I’m feeling good about myself, when boom…I puked. So I had to stop and puke some more. And some more. And by the time I looked up to start driving again, I couldn’t see anyone. Not a jet ski, not a boat, not Jack and Rose floating around on a piece of wood…no one. So I did what any normal girl would do in that situation, cried, puked and started driving again. Ok, so I’m putting along, still stopping to puke, not seeing anyone, when all of a sudden Kristyn and her hubs showed up. Thank you Jesus.
So they rode behind me to make sure I didn’t get lost or fall off. Ok, here’s where it gets worse. I saw a group of jet ski’s in the distance and rode up to them thinking it was our group, incorrect. That guide was quick to tell me “This isn’t your group!!!! Yours went that way!!” and pointed in a direction. So I went where he pointed…I fucking went “that way”!! And I’m speeding thru and all of a sudden…scraaaaape. I went into shallow water and got the jet ski stuck on rocks. Whoopsie Daisy. So I turned and yelled out Kristyn and Michael to stop so they wouldn’t hit it either, but whoops. Too late, they hit it too. So there we are, stuck on a flat area of rocks and mud. And they were a good distance away from me, so we had to yell back and forth. They tried pushing their jet ski off, but it wasn’t budging. I puked and cried and then tried pushing mine. Didn’t work. But I did step on some hard rocks and weird underwater shit. But there we were, stuck.
I don’t know how long it was till my sister and brother-in-law came back looking for us, but it seemed like 3 days. But it was more like 30ish minutes. So they went back to get the tour guide, and about 20 minutes later, that asshole came whipping around a mountainy island thing, yelling and cursing like a maaajor douchebag. He yelled at me and asked why I didn’t keep up and pay attention. I was like “dude, I was fucking sick and you went too fucking fast!!” He kept yelling, I puked. So he tried pushing my jet ski off, nope. He tried pulling, nope. Then he tied my jet ski to his, and gassed it…nope. Finally Kristyn and Michael got there’s undone and a few minutes later they helped, and mine got undone. And the tour guide pulled me back to the dock, while everyone from the next tour stood there and watched. I apologized and said whoever gets mine, needs to watch out for the vomit on the side. And that’s how our two-hour tour became an almost four-hour tour. It was awful. I had a sun burn for weeks and was scarred for life. I haven’t been on a jet ski since.
16. Good- My sister from another mister giving me a nephew, just yesterday actually! Sweet Jaxon!
17. Crazy/Bad- Telling some guy that I knew how to drive a motorcycle, and driving his dirt bike thing into a tree.
18. Good/Crazy/Bad- Talking my way out of being arrested for a DUI. It’s also a long story, but I already bored y’all with the jet ski story, and I talked about the DUI in another blog. If you’re wanting to know about that, then you can read it here..
19. Umm, what else…Oh, did I mention I have the most precious niece ever?
I really can’t think of much else. I know there is a lot more though, but I guess my mind is slipping in my old age. LOL. JK. But seriously, I’m having a brainfart and that’s all I can think of right now. Even the bad stuff is ok. Like Nannie says “The past is like your ass, it’s all behind you”. So I’ll take the bad with the good. Oh and I’m hitting up downtown Nash tonight, so there’s no telling what kind of shenanigans we’ll get into. I might have a few things to add to the next four years of my 20’s. Life is good and fun and I’m glad I’ve lived to see another year. And on that note, mmmbye!
itsames 