My Finding Nemo died when he came to work with me.

I meant to post this yesterday, but forgot to hit publish, because I’m a failure at life? JK. But seriously, this was my morning yesterday…

So y’all, listen!! Please. I was pulling out of my apartment this morning and saw some gross looking bug on the hood of my car, which I now know was a praying mantis, and I was like “eww” and expected it to fly off once I started speeding down my street, but it didn’t! This badass mantis totally lowered down like “I’m holding on, Ames!! Lessssgo!!!”
See…
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go

But once I got to the interstate I was like “holy shit…I just accidentally pulled a Finding Nemo! Did I steal the parent? Or the baby? Or a friend???? His family and friends will be looking for him in Bellevue and his badass self will be in downtown Nashville! How will they find him??? I just ruined their family!” So I didn’t drive over 60 the whole way here and clearly I named him, Nemo. I would have been an idiot not to name him that. And I thought about his bug family and friends trying to travel down I-40 to come find him, and imagined the real Nemo’s dad and Dory swimming to try to find him at, P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney, Australlia. Would the bugs know how to find my office?? I didn’t leave any goggles behind for them to read my addy. So I decided to capture my new Nemo, before I knew he was a praying mantis and how mean those little shits are, once I got to work and put him in a cup and save his life and then take him back home this afternoon to be reunited with his loved ones!!! But when I got to work, I went to take a pic of him before I put him in the cup, and once I took the pic, Nemo jumped at me and I got scared and swatted really hard and like…I think I killed Nemo.

This was the last pic of Nemo, before he came at me and with my phone in hand, I slapped his ass away.

RIP Nemo

I felt bad about it for a couple of hours, then I found out that praying mantis, aka Nemo, was the bug that is like the bully in the bug world. And eats other animals and kills shit and sometimes, the female eats the male during or after sex. Whaaaat?!?! In the words of my manager when we found out about the eating the man during sex, “Talk about S&M!”. Rihanna definitely didn’t mention that part in her song though. “Sex in the air, I don’t care I love the smell of it. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me…almost as much as eating my mate alive!” whaaat?! Yeah, so I’m not that sad that I killed Nemo after he survived the 20+ minute drive to work. Man, my Finding Nemo story totally took ended up out in left field, and definitely didn’t end as sweet as Pixar’s Finding Nemo. My bad, boo boo’s.

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