Why I fucking hate Walmart.

I just got home from Walmart…yeah, that should tell you how my day has been. I only go to Walmart like, once every month or two. I hate it with a hardcore passion. Do I think I’m too good for Walmart? Color me cocky, but yes, yes I am. That’s why I shop at Target. Where it smells good, the people are friendly, it’s clean, homeless people can’t just wander around in there and I just love it. And I know all Walmarts have their grossness, but the Walmart in West Nashville is by far my least favorite one. It’s horrible. So I normally reward myself with a stop by Target after I go to that Walmart, but I was so wore out after today’s trip, that I decided to come home to relax first.

Why do I hate Walmart? Well, for starters:

When I walked in, it smelled like I walked into a building with 121 people who haven’t bathed in days, wet dogs, and a shit filled public restroom. I enjoy the smell of freshly popped popcorn that rapes your face when you walk into a Target, not the smell of the poverty in Walmart. There’s one reason why I hate Walmart

I was standing in an aisle looking for something when all of a sudden some gross, ragged, dirty man threw a can on the ground and it hit the side of my foot. Now, I’m not very confrontational or aggressive, so I was like “Oh sorry, my bad…” And there was a pleasant looking couple standing there too, and they said “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault! Hey buddy, maybe you shouldn’t throw stuff down”. Then dirty man threw down another can and kicked it, and then started rambling stuff to himself. WTF? So the woman of the pleasant couple said “You must be having a bad day, huh?!” And dirty man was all like “Yeah! I’m having a bad fucking day!! So if I were you I wouldn’t fucking talk to me!!!!” and threw down two cans, rambled some more shit, grabbed ahold of his buggee and sprinted off. So I LOL’ed and said “he needs to pipe the fuck down”, and walked off. That’s a reason why I hate Walmart. That shit would not fly in Target.

As I was walking down another aisle, there were like 8 Hispanic people huddled together like some fucking football team about to do a, ‘Flick a little flea flicker on three’ thru the store. And of course they had their buggees sitting right next to each other, blocking the whole aisle. So I walked up and was like “Sorry, excuse me..sorry” to try to get by and they looked mega annoyed and started speaking Spanish to one another, all pissed off sounding, and talking faster than Busta Rhymes. Bitches, all I want is some toilet paper!! Ain’t noooo need for that attitude. That’s another reason why I hate Walmart.

As I was standing in the 8 people long check out line, the parents in front of me had a baby in the buggee then some bratty little 6 year old looking girl with them. And of course they weren’t paying attention while that little shit was running around touching everything. She kept running by me and knocking shit over, and I moved up some when the line moved up, and it blocked the little space she was running in and out of. And when she started running back to infect everyone with her annoyance, she couldn’t go that way. And she gave me that nasty little kid look and I was like “go around me”. And the mom turned and looked at me and I was like “umm..she’s running around. So she can go around me, right there…” That’s another reason why I hate Walmart.

And, while in that long line, some dumb woman walked up with a cart full of stuff and she looked at me, while I was leaning on my buggee full of stuff, and she said “Are you in line?” Noooo bitch. I’m just standing here, with a buggee full of cheap shit, in the middle of Walmart, just hanging out and enjoying life…because this is exactly how I enjoy spending my Saturday afternoons. Now, I didn’t say that. I was really like *eyes roll out my head, and out the door* “Umm….Ummm…Ummmmm….yeah…?” I really hate Walmart.

When I finally got to the cashier, that Bianca Beauty bitch was smacking her gum and patting her weave. Already, that’s unacceptable behavior if this were Target. I don’t want your nasty Lee Press-On Nails touching my stuff after you just patted and scratched your head. I don’t want that. This is real life, not elementary school when they would do lice checks. Cut it out. The time spent in her checkout lane was longer than the time I spent actually shopping. Ugh…Walmart.

Then I walked outside to find a scarf sitting on the hood of my car. What??? This wasn’t that annoying though. It was actually the perfect opportunity to take a picture of something random to Instagram.

The Kia's new scarf from Walmart

So I took the pic, and put the scarf on the car that was parked next to mine, and left. And went to Sonic for a Route 44 diet coke then home to relax. Because that trip to Wally World totally exhausted me. Seriously, I hate Walmart.

42 thoughts on “Why I fucking hate Walmart.

  1. I don’t blame you I hate Walmart as well. UGHHHH! It’s the only place I can pull into the parking lot in a good mood and by the time the car is parked I’m ready to kill myself.

    • Hahaha exactly. I really get pissed off when I pull into the parking lot and the first thing I see is someone driving directly towards me, because they went down the wrong parking lane thing. Hate that place.

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  3. I don’t shop at Walmart. I like to think it’s MOSTLY because of their horrendous business practices, but it’s also because FUCK ALL OF THAT. You know who that dude was who was mumbling? That dude has been stuck INSIDE WALMART for yeeeeeeaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrsssss. It’s why he’s so mad! He’s been looking for paper towels since 1996. I one time, two years ago, I shopped at Walmart. It was horrible. It’s Targhetto, or nothing for me.

    • Hahaha. That just made me laugh super hard. That is why he’s probably so angry in there! Targhetto is the bomb..I’ll be heading there later tonight!

    • Strange encounters like that at Target always sound so much better than the ones that go down in Walmarts. Coupons and Starbucks sounds way better than being hit on by a Walmart shopper :)

  4. Well, my Walmart isn’t that bad, though as a whole–especially in bigger cities–they are super sketchy.

    Anywho, Target win? I registered for my wedding at Target yesterday! And they not only had the popcorn deliciousness, but a Starbucks!! I was able ask family members for random shit, while drinking a Raspberry Mocha Latte and eating popcorn. Best Saturday ever!

    • Haha. That does sound like the best time ever! Every time I see someone doing a wedding or baby registry in Target, it makes me want to get married or have a baby so I can scan everything I want people to buy me. Looks like so much fun!

      • It is fun! I just kept wanting to register for baby items, just to fuck with my fiance’s mother… but no one will let me. Alas, the difficulties!

      • I don’t know you or your future mother in law, but I give you permission because that sounds like a super fun idea!! Go do it tomorrow. :)

  5. I HATE WALMART TOO! That exact same, West Nashville Walmart . I REFUSE to go there. (or to any of them, anywhere). Next time, call me and we’ll go Target shopping and then hit up the $2 wine happy hour at Logan’s by Target.

  6. I saw the humor in this! I have to say that I would have turned around when I saw the group of Spanish speaking people. Sometimes seeing a group gathered at a local store makes me happy. Just saying…

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  8. So I was reading my friend’s blog (http://apre-meditatedjourney.com) and she was talking about your walmart experience. I decided I had to read it because I HATE WALMART TOO!!! Every single time that I went in there to shop I would always leave so fucking pissed that I just couldnt shop there anymore. I havent stepped foot inside a walmart in over 3 years!! it was the best decision i have ever made. Target has my heart and I will gladly pay the 3 extra cents just to shop in a clean, welcoming environment!

    I recently found out some gossip about walmart that you might be interested in reading. the article is extremely long but its juicy!!

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/business/at-wal-mart-in-mexico-a-bribe-inquiry-silenced.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

    share it with your friends! and thanks for the hilarious post! :)

  9. This cracked me up. However, I have found two good things about Walmart 1. I was able to dump 10 bucks of pennies in that machine and get paper money. I have been been lugging those pennies around in a huge plastic Folger’s can for about 12 years. 2. Next to the change machine is a place I can recycle my plastic grocery bags. I enjoy departing with my burdens.

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  11. Great entry! I have to shop at Walmart myself and I do love to let go in a blog post from time to time about the stores. They still have what I need most any time I need it and Target is far, far away from where I live.

  12. Nobody actually LIKES Walmart. It’s just so damn close and convenient and the size of a football field and a watch battery is $4 instead of bending over for a Kohl’s raping of $15. But what you describes sounds like a typical Walmart day. I used to enjoy Target until a blue hair said the music was too loud and they SHUT OFF EVERY SINGLE SONG in every Target for the rest of time. I don’t like to shop in complete cemetery quiet. I actually like joy.

    • Hahaha. Love that! It’s true Walmart is mega cheap, that’s the only reason I wander in there every so often. I don’t like the price raping of other stores, either.

  13. Allow me to impart my Wal Mart experience on you folks.

    Now, the west side of Nashville may seem like a pretty shitty place, but I have one that takes the cake: Laredo fucking Texas. If all you can think of when you hear Laredo is a Jeep Grand Cherokee, then hopefully it stays that way. This shining gem of a ‘city’ is nestled deep in South Texas, in between ‘fucked’ and ‘where the hell am I’? on the US/ Mexican border. Imagine ALL the worst shoppers, drivers, and attitudes you can think of, multiplied by the degree of crack/cocaine, ginormous families chalk full of little shits, with no English speaking skills, at two in the morning.

    It started with my arrival in the big city after a 3 day road trip from Seattle to Laredo (pronounced Lah-rrrray-dough by the locals) running about 12 hours the first two days capped off with a hard-charged 16 hours my final day. At that point, my body is weary. I’m running on 4 hours of sleep. I’m pushing myself on fumes of caffeine and nicotine. My life’s possessions are stuffed inside of an old Honda Accord. But alas! instead of getting a hotel right away, I go to Wal Mart to grab some home items to make my move in my new apartment a little easier in the morning. Little did I know, Garmin, that tricky GPS bastard sumbitch, led me to a Wal Mart alright. ON THE SHIT SIDE OF TOWN. BY THE RIVER (you know that one river that illegal aliens cross, right?). DURING A POLICE BUST OF PROSTITUTES IN THE PARKING LOT. AT 2 FUCKING AM. I hate my life…

    After hiding what I could from pain view, I locked my car about 3 million times and walked inside. Now, I can navigate just fine reading the signs posted in the ceiling. BUT NOT IN SPANISH. After asking two Wal Mart employees where I might find the toiletries and shower curtains and just general fucking home shit to no avail due to the fact that I refused to speak Spanish at that particular moment, I finally found the patience in me to ask where bathroom things were after attempting in Spanish with the 3rd customer service associate.

    I grab my items, no big deal. But wait! It is a big deal! Because stupid, tired, caffeine and nicotine-addled me forgot that at 2 in the morning, no one fucking works at a cash register at Wal Mart! How could I have forgotten such a simple fact? After finding the one line, which wasn’t hard, due to long line of waiting families (and by families I mean the whole kitten caboodle. Like, children from ages 15 to 3), all with their children rifling through shitty shit that is just SHIT, I secured my place in line. Our so I thought. Racism exists people, and is directed to whites down yonder in good ol’ Laredo, Texas! A ‘well-fed’ Mexican lady and her shithead of a teenager decided to cut me after about 20 minutes of waiting for all the other Mexicans to pay for their stuff after they realized it wasn’t a swap meet and they couldn’t haggle the price on their fucking shampoo or $5 dvd. After (relatively) politely trying to garner the attention of the aforementioned female, I just lost it and yelled out ‘ Hey! Get in the back of the fuckin line! I didn’t save you a spot!’ Oops… This acquired her attention in a most vengeful way, as she began yelling and probably placing some crazy voodoo-style curse on me for eternity, and me saying ‘ Fuck you, you heffer!’ Her little thuggish ruggish son started loading the belt with their food, despite my overt protests to have him remove his shit and take it elsewhere. He looked up once, raised his arms up the way guys do when challenging another, which broke any cool I had at that point. THAT ended with me challenging him to a parking lot rendevous, no cattle allowed. Guess how they’re transaction ended? Lone Star card-style! (Texas food stamp card) Finally, after I get to load my shit on the belt, the cashier lady-man-thing gives me dirty looks and tells me my total in Spanish. I didn’t care at that point, I wanted out by that point. I paid my 40 some odd dollars and booked it.

    This experienced defined my life for the subsequent 3 years of my life, and tons of other stupid shit occurrences at that and other surrounding Wal Marts.

  14. Ok I went to walmart just to pick up three things before going to a cook out only three lanes open as I was waiting becuse I had no time to go somewhere ells I looked up and the ceiling was disgusting and by the air duckes full caked with dust so I looked at the floor and wow if I dropped somthing on that floor I whould just leave it to scared I might catch somthing looked like they never cleaned the floor sense they first opened and to make matters worse i tossed out some glazed dough nuts becuse there were nats it them so now iam not going to buy my food at walmart ever agen unless iam starving I also noticed rust on the ceiling I guess that’s safe and some nice dusty air and what makes me even more mad is the people in the scooters that can walk fine and drive some do need them but some and you can tell who they are dont a big women and her kid riding on the back of it and she walks fine so I don’t go to walmart unless I absolutyly need to so target here I come lol

  15. ohh jeeeez you fucking hilarious. i like walmart cus i don’t get to meet a dirty old man. but i like to confess that targherito is way better than walmart

  16. i hate wal mart too i had a credit card i have a limit of 8000 dollars i paid them off like 5000 amd then they lowered my credit to 190 dollars hehe that is the thanks you get from them dick heads for 25 years of doing business with them. i want shop their any more i take my business to target wal mart can suck face on main street.

  17. Pingback: Adventures in Wally (cash) World - Danore

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